Fatty Fatty Boom-A-latty

1 week before my period is always the worse. I'm all happy one minute.. then KAPOW! a fucking paper towel commercial comes on the television and I cant help sobbing like a little bitch. Really, a paper towel commercial? But just look at all the orange liquid you can soak up with ONE paper towel.... its emotional.

I refer to this week before my lady time as Fat Satan Has Possessed My Helpless Body Week.. better known as FSHPMHB week. (You cant say it because there are no vowels, I get it). I know the instant he has taken over my soul. One minute I'm folding laundry... black out.. wake up in the kitchen with an empty carton of ice cream in my hands. "What the fuck? How did I get here. Someone must have clubbed me, dragged me into the kitchen while asleep, and put this carton in my arms". Right? That's all I could ever come up with. Its the worst. When I come to my senses and realize what I have done, I then get all depressed and want to cry and vomit. I already feel bloated and fat, now there are two pounds of creamy goodness filling up my guts, and I'm already emotional because of the hormones. I'm sad cause I ate all the ice cream.. and I want to eat more ice cream because I'm sad. Fuck this Satan demon inside of me.... I wish he was lactose intolerant. Then Id show him.